I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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