before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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