I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
