This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
