I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do vagina's smell?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
