Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
