Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
