Old men and throwing up are my life now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
