I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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