Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Enjoy the penises
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
