***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
