what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
