its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
