According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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