I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
