between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
