You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
