um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
