she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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