im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I will pee on everything he values.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
this is an emotional support booty call
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
