Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
