It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
