i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
