She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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