my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
