I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
