What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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