Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
