i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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