I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
