Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
