His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
