just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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