I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
