hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
