I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
