We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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