She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
