I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
