I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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