I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
