Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
