Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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