I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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