I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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