i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think I am morally bankrupt
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
