Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
