my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
