do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
