Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
